The temptation is to look at the destination as the ultimate goal. I know it's been said a billion times...it's 'the journey' that's important. But it's been said a million times because so many of us just don't seem to get it. And so we have to hear it again and again. It's like those times as a child when I'd say to my mother, "Sheesh mom, how many times do you have to tell me", and she'd point out to me that as many times as she'd told me, I still hadn't listened.
I am at a place of relative peace in my life. Sure, there is turmoil and there are difficulties, but I know that the gain at the other end is worth it. But the peace comes from finally being okay in my own skin. It feels like I had to scrape and crawl and fight just to be, and there is that little voice saying, "wouldn't it have been nice if you could have reached this destination without all that scraping, crawling, and fighting?"
But who would I be otherwise. If I had started out being okay in my own skin, I would have missed out on much of what formed who I am today. I don't know who I'd have been instead (to paraphrase "Jars of Clay"). I do know I wouldn't have been a dad to four incredible kids. And as Elijah sat on the counter watching me cook today and informed me that his favourite colour is blue now, I started to realize that the journey is important, and it's intersection with other journeys have formed...are forming...who I am. And who other people are too.
And so even though I can feel regret for how I've journeyed, I can't feel it without noticing that right on the other side of the coin is gratitude for what the journey has brought me. I am grateful for everyone whose journey has intersected mine. Everyone. Really.
