Ramblings of a Madman

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May 21, '08 7:48 PM
for everyone

“And it seems to me that life is a cup

And we’re trying to quench the Sahara.”*

Those are words I wrote a long time ago...over a decade gone by. I didn't realize at the time just how much I had tried to quench the Sahara with only a cup of water. I suppose it's a noble if misguided attempt. Better to save the water in the cup and drink it sparingly as you make your way out of the desert...

...And so I have stepped out in faith.

Funny word, faith. It seems everyone has their own definition, and I'm only now beginning to form mine. For a long time I took on other people's definitions of the word. "To believe without proof" was a favourite of mine, because it made me somehow feel noble and intelligent, even while avoiding tough questions that might make me uncomfortable if the answers didn't match the ones I had hoped for. Other definitions have more to do with trust, and I think the definition that is slowly forming for me leans into, or borrows from, that definition...though I am not sure how much. It seems the definition is tied to action, and maybe it can't even be put into words.

Because the word is so religiously tinged, and mostly by a religion that I, well, have no faith in, it has made the word difficult to reclaim. All around me I see people whose religious faith is meaningful and nurturing, and it's been hard for me to understand how it can be so different for me. But different it is.

The stepping out part I get, though, and so I've stepped out. Without knowing what the future will bring (as if my knowledge of the future before was anything but an illusion) I am moving forward. It hurts a bit, but heals at the same time. There are moments of intense loneliness and moments of wonderful peace. Moments of regret, and moments of gratefulness. I'm scared, but I know everything will be okay.

And so the long dry spell perhaps will come to an end. Maybe the rains will come and water my faith and it will grow into what it was always meant to be.

"As we fall on our knees there's a wind in the trees

And a rolling that sounds just like thunder"*

*Jamie Townsley, "Life is a Cup"

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10 CommentsChronological Reverse Threaded

loscomac wrote on May 21

There is a lot that I want to say... but the right words don't seem to want to come. I do hope that the rains come. I hope you find what you are looking for.

traveler1267 wrote on May 21, edited on May 21

Not knowing what the future will hold is often a good thing, at least I think. People often say that you have to think of the future, and I try to do that, to a certain extent. To me worrying too much about the future is like trying to change the past. It keeps me from enjoying the present.

allane wrote on May 22

Welcome back. You are still feeling tentative I see. Don't worry, you'll be just fine. In the immortal words of Ellen Degeneres, "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim, swim. .. Oh-oh-oh-ohhh .. I like to swiiiiim!"

trudyj65 wrote on May 22

Allan, it's actually amazing how inspiring the "Just keep swimming" song has been to me ... it's easy to tell who has young children and watches the same kids' movies over and over and over ...

Jamie, thanks for posting something finally. I find the older I get the harder "faith" is to define. I know I have it, but what is it exactly? And what is it based on? I think the "trust" definition works better for me than the "believing without proof" one these days. And it helps to have the freedom to say "I don't know," a lot.

I don't know much, but I do believe rain will come ... sometime, somehow.

dwaynetownsley wrote on May 22

That has been my answer to almost everything lately. "I don't know". I find it quite satisfying to be able to say I don't know rather than trying to make up something that sounds right. And Trudy is right, it's easier to go with the trust definition than the other because to me, it feels less committed to belief and more of a "It will be what it will be" view. At least you can say that you are moving forward not backwards and that is what I think is important whether it rains tomorrow or 30 years from now. And yes, there are a billion inspiring "Kids movie" quotes and songs.

trudyj65 wrote on May 22

Jamie, is it OK if I link to this post in a blog post I'm working on about faith/belief?

tandt2 wrote on May 22

It is always easy to fall back into a routine isn't it? We stay at a job because well something better is bound to happen. We stay in a church because we have always been there or our parents were there. We believe things because the give us comfort. Especially in times of loss, we crave comfort. Comfort food, comfort songs, comfort prayers, comfortable surroundings. However, things that are truly inspiring step outside the comfort zone. History is littered with the persecution of these types of people. Sometimes there principles and creations have lived on and form the new generations. So I hope that you can achieve what you are looking for outside the confines of comfort.

theiceprincess wrote on May 27

jamtown said

I'm scared, but I know everything will be okay.

Just curious how you would know that, without having any proof :-)

I hope that you won't be satisfied with just having things o.k...

theiceprincess wrote on May 27

For the record, "to believe without proof", is not really a Biblical definition of faith.

Also, the Bible's definition of true religion is this, "...do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows." (Isaiah 1:17 NLT), "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." (James 1:27 NLT)

I think that, for the most part, you still believe in these things. So perhaps your faith has not so much been lost all this time, but rather misplaced...

jamtown wrote on May 27

theiceprincess said

I think that, for the most part, you still believe in these things. So perhaps your faith has not so much been lost all this time, but rather misplaced...

Thank you for saying this. You are right, I think misplaced might be a better word for it. I think that, somewhere, there is a core of something that I will be able to call my faith. It will look a lot different than what I thought faith was, I imagine it will have less to do with the things I believe than I thought it did. If I can say anything about it, I can say it has something to do with love and something to do with inclusion...in the broadest sense possible for both.

I know...not very specific, and probably not very meaningful in the explanation, but I can only use the words I have.

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Ramblings of a Madman