Ramblings of a Madman

Ramblings of a Madman http://jamtown.multiply.com/ "Whatishe going on about now?" seems to be the question--accompanied by eye rolls--of my friends and family. The truth is, half the time I don't even know. If you want totryto make heads or tails of it all go ahead and wade through the blog section. If you just want to see pictures of cute kids, checkout the photo or video section. If you want to share in my impeccable (or peccable, depending on your opinion) taste in music, head over to that section and have a listen. Everybody who posts on these sites loves to get feedback, and I am no exception, so feel free to leave a reply to anything that so moves you to do so. Truly Jamie. Tue, 26 Aug 2008 23:55:56 -0000 Fri, 8 Aug 2008 13:18:00 -0000 Ramblings of a Madman http://images.jamtown.multiply.com/logo http://jamtown.multiply.com 100 100 The Spot. <a href="http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/upload/SLR6qgoKCmwAAFGcc-I1"><img class="alignleft" style="WIDTH: 197px;HEIGHT: 164px;" height="170" src="http://images.jamtown.multiply.com/image/1/photos/upload/300x300/SLR6qgoKCmwAAFGcc-I1/sun-hill.jpg?et=kyjxS89T9bFmWIvYDyA8Wg&nmid=0" width="252" border="0"></a>I knew it when I saw it.  The Spot.  The way the sun was hitting the hillside, the way the tall grass was lit in evening orange on one side and shadowed on the other, I knew this was it.  If I'd passed it an hour earlier, I doubt this would have been The Spot, but at this particular time, as afternoon was passing its rule to evening, it was perfect.  I pulled my car to the shoulder of the road and walked up the hillside.  I turned and sat facing the sun, and watched the river meandering peacefully on its way. It was an odd time, this.  For once my mind was silent, though I knew it wouldn't remain so for long.  There were too many questions, too much future to worry about, and too much past to regret.  And so I remained in the present wondering how much present I even had left. I laid back on the hillside and let myself feel the weight of my body pressed into the ground beneath me.  I felt life in the green of the grass and the blue of the sk... http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/185/The_Spot. Fri, 8 Aug 2008 13:18:00 -0000 Havering in my Head <a href="http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/upload/SIdz1woKCmwAAFR9AJM1"><img class="alignmiddleb" src="http://images.jamtown.multiply.com/image/1/photos/upload/300x300/SIdz1woKCmwAAFR9AJM1/the-computer-demands-a-blog.gif?et=Q5eZmG88iRcisJTuzofwlQ&nmid=0" border="0"></a>I should blog.  What happened to all those blogging ideas I had when I was in the van yesterday?  Seems they are gone.  But I should write something.  I wonder if anyone has emailed me on facebook.  Maybe I'll check that first.  Nope.  Though I have several to answer.  Oh look who added me as a friend!  I was wondering what happened to him!  He's married?  I thought he was gay.  Proof once again that I have broken gaydar.  And who is this other guy?  Do I know him?  Why is he adding me as a friend?  Oh, I recognize him now, but I thought his last name was Flowers?  Either way he is clearly related more to my parent's past than to mine. I wonder if anyone else has posted anything on Multiply?  Nope.  Read it all.  Okay, I'll check my gmail account (again).  Nothing there either.  And I'm done all my Scrabulous games.  Maybe Trudy's put something different up since... http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/184/Havering_in_my_Head Wed, 23 Jul 2008 17:51:00 -0000 As If I Never Was <a href="http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/upload/SHgntAoKCmwAAHnjQHY1"></a><a href="http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/upload/SHgn4AoKCmwAAH93Tkc1"><img class="alignleft" src="http://images.jamtown.multiply.com/image/1/photos/upload/300x300/SHgn4AoKCmwAAH93Tkc1/garbo.jpg?et=Wml8DivxKIraePDQO0yfTg&nmid=0" border="0"></a>Does anybody ever wish they could delete themselves from the Internet?  I don't mean just disappear and leave websites stagnant for awhile.  I mean truly delete.  I know the moment will likely pass, but right now I am resisting the urge to delete myself from Multiply...all my blogs, pictures, videos, music...EVERYTHING.  And then go to my Facebook account and do the same...then on to MSN, my email accountsthe mailing lists I belong to, delete forum entries...and then cancel my ISP. I won't...in fact, the feeling has already passed just in the writing of this (which admittedly took me two hours from when I started the first sentence). I must be just having a Garbo moment.   http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/183/As_If_I_Never_Was Sat, 12 Jul 2008 01:24:00 -0000 Rock Dance Jaedyn and Elijah do a "Rock Dance" http://jamtown.multiply.com/video/item/25/Rock_Dance Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:09:30 -0000 Constant "Just before our love got lost you said, "I am as constant as the Northern Star" and I said, "Constantly in darkness, where's that at?  If you want me I'll be in the bar."  --Joni Mitchell Where the moment is the only thing that is sure, and that depending on sanity, perception and a host of other things, I can see why people long for constancy.  On one hand, there is an ennui to the idea of a never-changing-what-have-you.  But on the other hand, the security is like concrete beneath feet. I'll admit it.  I am afraid of change.  I am afraid that people who are around now won't be tomorrow, or in 10 years.  I can see why people like the idea of God, so that no matter what changes, at least that will be constant and never changing.  In a world where everything is temporary, having something that's not temporary would feel a little like concrete (especially when that something comes with the promise of eventually making things permanent). But God, t... http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/182/Constant Thu, 12 Jun 2008 18:38:00 -0000 Too Much To Read <a href="http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/upload/SDckKwoKCmwAAAirHGI1"><img class="alignmiddleb" src="http://images.jamtown.multiply.com/image/1/photos/upload/300x300/SDckKwoKCmwAAAirHGI1/Library.jpg?et=WvWc4kAR%2CQ4BteEOezasfQ&nmid=0" border="0"></img></a> People are writing at an unreadable rate.  I popped into a bookstore yesterday and found thousands of books.  Maybe millions.  If I cut out the books that I wouldn't find interesting, there would probably still be hundreds in there that I'd like to read.  And that doesn't include the books that aren't in there, but can be gotten online. And yet, if I go to the "Community and Culture" section, and look for the particular community and culture that interests me, I find four books...none of which I want to read. Over and up a shelf, though, I found "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Too-Soon-Old-Late-Smart/dp/1569244197/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1211572902&sr=8-1">Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart:  Thirty True Things You Need To Know Now</a>".  As I scanned the table of contents, I discovered that of the thirty things, seven of them needed to be read immediately.  And so I did. I'd tell you which seven, but seriously, don't you find there is too much to read already?  Why should I add that much more to it? http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/181/Too_Much_To_Read Fri, 23 May 2008 19:58:00 -0000 But who would I be? <a href="http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/upload/SDY3yAoKCmwAAF65MPo1"><img class="alignright" src="http://images.jamtown.multiply.com/image/1/photos/upload/300x300/SDY3yAoKCmwAAF65MPo1/paths.jpg?et=x4g9h2Py7BpuNDCCPYzxaQ&nmid=0" border="0"></img></a>The temptation is to look at the destination as the ultimate goal.  I know it's been said a billion times...it's 'the journey' that's important.  But it's been said a million times because so many of us just don't seem to get it.  And so we have to hear it again and again.  It's like those times as a child when I'd say to my mother, "Sheesh mom, how many times do you have to tell me", and she'd point out to me that as many times as she'd told me, I still hadn't listened. I am at a place of relative peace in my life.  Sure, there is turmoil and there are difficulties, but I know that the gain at the other end is worth it.  But the peace comes from finally being okay in my own skin.  It feels like I had to scrape and crawl and fight just to be, and there is that little voice saying, "wouldn't it have been nice if you could have reached this destination without all that scraping, crawling, and fighting?" But who would I be otherwise.  If I had start... http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/180/But_who_would_I_be Fri, 23 May 2008 03:03:00 -0000 The Long Dry Spell <a href="http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/upload/SDS4wQoKCmwAAHZvUYo1"><img class="alignmiddleb" src="http://images.jamtown.multiply.com/image/1/photos/upload/300x300/SDS4wQoKCmwAAHZvUYo1/sahara.jpg?et=2JtNJZBUc1auezN3Rc5Pcw&nmid=0" border="0"></img></a>   “And it seems to me that life is a cup And we’re trying to quench the Sahara.”*   Those are words I wrote a long time ago...over a decade gone by.  I didn't realize at the time just how much I had tried to quench the Sahara with only a cup of water.  I suppose it's a noble if misguided attempt.  Better to save the water in the cup and drink it sparingly as you make your way out of the desert...   ...And so I have stepped out in faith.   Funny word, faith.  It seems everyone has their own definition, and I'm only now beginning to form mine.  For a long time I took on other people's definitions of the word.  "To believe without proof" was a favourite of mine, because it made me somehow feel noble and intelligent, even while avoiding tough questions that might make me uncomfortable if the answers didn't match the ones I had hoped for.  Other definitions have more to do with trust, and I think the definition that is slowly forming f... http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/179/The_Long_Dry_Spell Wed, 21 May 2008 23:48:00 -0000 Give Me the Bible… I don't usually link to other people's specific blog entries, but I thought this one was particularly worth the read! Click "<a href="http://trudymorgancole.wordpress.com/2008/04/26/give-me-the-bible/">Give Me The Bible</a>", or click the link above to get there. http://jamtown.multiply.com/links/item/12/12 Sun, 27 Apr 2008 04:08:27 -0000 Speaking of Prayer Speaking of <A href="http://theiceprincess.multiply.com/journal/item/48?mark_read=theiceprincess:journal:48&replies_read=5">Prayer</A>... I find this to be an odd piece of my life after ‘losing my religion’.  I find belief is hard to come by, and yet sometimes I do feel the need to cry out to something more when I feel powerless to do anything else.  I decided quite awhile ago that if I feel the need or the desire to pray, then I will pray, and not worry about whether or not God exists to hear it. Last night was one of those nights.  I had the most difficult day I've ever had, and it felt a bit like I was in a dream and that any minute I'd wake up and everything would be okay.  And if the day wasn't bad enough, I found out that a friend may have cancer.  He is awaiting an appointment for a biopsy now to know for sure.  This was too much for one day (though I'm sure it was worse for him).  When I went to bed last night, I prayed.  i don't know if God is around to hear me or not, but I prayed n prayed and prayed and prayed.  I may have cried a little too (... http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/178/Speaking_of_Prayer Thu, 24 Apr 2008 03:02:00 -0000 The End of Faith: Religion, Terror, and The Future of Reason What surprised me most about this book is that it has something equally important to say to atheists, agnostics, christians, muslims, buddhists, hindus...just about everyone really. And that important thing is this: Religion and Faith should be held up to scrutiny, and should not be set apart as unquestionable. Of course, most of us believe this anyway, and most of us are all too eager to hold up OTHER people's faith/religion to scrutiny. But we have a harder time holding our own up to such rigorous testing. Much of this book examines the muslim faith, and shows how unquestioning adherence to it can lead to such tragic events as the September 11 terrorist attacks. Harris doesn't stop at the muslims, though. He goes on to show what can happen when unquestioning adherence to the christian faith can lead to it's own atrocities. I think the thing I liked most about this book is that it doesn't require a reader to "convert" to atheism to appreciate it. While Harris himself ... http://jamtown.multiply.com/reviews/item/13 Wed, 16 Apr 2008 00:13:03 -0000 The God Delusion For all the raving about this book, and for it's popularity, I expected this would be a four or five star review. But it's not. It's not that Dawkins doesn't make some excellent points, because he does. He knows his subject matter well, and he can talk about science with all the wonder and awe that a new convert can bring to a conversation about God. What knocks it down a couple of stars is the way, in some parts of the book, I get the feeling that Dawkins is finishing arguments that he had in real life, but couldn't think of an answer quickly enough. We've all had those moments where a few minutes, or days or weeks, after a conversation we think, "Oh, I should have said..." Those are fine in life, but they don't come across so well in a book. That said, I still found this an enjoyable and insightful read. I found his description of the Cargo Ship Cults particularly intriguing as a way to see a traceable way that a population can build a religion. While I'm not sure whet... http://jamtown.multiply.com/reviews/item/12 Tue, 15 Apr 2008 23:59:30 -0000 Just Because I Can <A href="http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/upload/SAI6dgoKCmwAADUdXm01"><IMG class=alignmiddleb src="http://images.jamtown.multiply.com/image/1/photos/upload/300x300/SAI6dgoKCmwAADUdXm01/Jaedyn%20in%20Pencil.jpg?et=KlDAhejp%2B6q62OSOBkPy5Q&nmid=" border=0></A> Last November I took an art class.  It's something I'd wanted to do for a long long time.  Once there I discovered a couple of surprising things: <OL> <LI>I have some talent in drawing.  I'm certainly not at <A href="http://dwaynetownsley.multiply.com/photos/album/7/Some_Not_So_Perfect_Drawings">Dwayne's Level</A>, but I can do better than I thought I could. <LI>Even though I have some talent, I didn't actually enjoy it as much as I thought I would.  For me it was all about attention span.  In a two hour art class, I could enjoy myself for about a half hour.  Then I was DONE.  The rest of the time I just wanted to go home.</LI></OL> The picture above is a pencil drawing I did of Jaedyn.  On her first sight of it, Tatiana said, "well, it's a good drawing of a person, but it doesn't look like Jaedyn".  And maybe she's right.  Sometimes it looks like Jaedyn to me...other times it looks like one of Michael Jackson's recent incarnations.  Since the chances of me developping this talent are pretty low on my priority list, I guess that's just how it... http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/176/Just_Because_I_Can Sun, 13 Apr 2008 16:47:00 -0000 Sinner's Song This is a song I wrote in late 2005. I recorded the video in February 2006 just so I wouldn't lose the song. I realized it will be ages before I get around to recording it, so I thought I'd post it in this rough state....it's pretty rough, I make some mistakes and my singing voice is..well...my singing voice... I'm not sure what to make of some of my songs after my loss of faith. But I'm proud of the writing on this one, and it's the first (and maybe only) full song I've written on the dulcimer. http://jamtown.multiply.com/video/item/24/Sinners_Song Sun, 13 Apr 2008 16:23:02 -0000 Platinum Blonde I wish I could find a CD of Platinum Blonde's first album. I know they used to exist, but anything other than the greatest hits is hard to find these days. These were CD's that I'd listened to over and over and over again. Included here is the entire "Alien Shores" CD as well as whatever I could find on the Greatest Hits CD from the first album. Somewhere I have the "Contact" album on CD, but other than the title song, that one never drew me in. I hope you http://jamtown.multiply.com/music/item/393/Platinum_Blonde Sat, 29 Mar 2008 01:01:45 -0000 I Should Write I should write.  I know.  I'm just having trouble coming up with anything to say. Maybe next time...   http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/175/I_Should_Write Sun, 9 Mar 2008 22:27:00 -0000 After The Snowblower... I don't look good in hats...I look even worse AFTER hats. This is me when the toque came off after snowblowing today... http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/album/40/After_The_Snowblower... Sun, 9 Mar 2008 16:24:27 -0000 In But Not Of I am not sure it the phrase "in the world, but not of it" is actually written in the bible.  I can't find it on biblegateway.com or a specific verse reference on Google.  Apparently, there is a Sufi saying that is phrased like this, but it doesn't seem the sentence, as I had heard it over the years, is in the bible.  I believe that the idea is there, and others must believe that too since I have heard countless saints say "we are to be in the world but not of the world".  Since losing faith, some of these sayings take on new meaning for me.  This particular one hit me in an entirely new way recently.  I realized that for as long as I can remember I have been in the world but not of it. I remember seeing a talk show back in the early 90's about a black man who spent much of his life 'passing' as white.  His skin was a lighter complexion, and he realized that he had more opportunity if people thought he was white.  It was just easier to pass than ... http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/174/In_But_Not_Of Sun, 10 Feb 2008 21:00:00 -0000 Winter Hot Tub Nothing like a Hot Tub in January. I'm not sure when this was taken, but I'm guessing around 8 or 9 years http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/album/39/Winter_Hot_Tub Fri, 8 Feb 2008 18:17:12 -0000 Dad and Kelsa Kelsa was never allowed on the furniture at our house, but she knew that if my dad was around she could get away with it. http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/album/38/Dad_and_Kelsa Wed, 6 Feb 2008 01:06:44 -0000 Stew Ruby! <A href="http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/upload/R6ZfAgoKCmwAACjegoQ1"><IMG class=alignmiddleb height=193 src="http://images.jamtown.multiply.com/image/1/photos/upload/300x300/R6ZfAgoKCmwAACjegoQ1/Stew1.gif?et=bhIQ4IySd6Xx0K59oLGZhg&nmid=" width=364 border=0></A>I think it's time to stew Ruby.  Parents everywhere will know exactly what I'm talking about.  As our children stare wide-eyed at Treehouse TV, we are subjected to Ruby's naggy voice going on and on and on.  "Max, leave the frog at the creek".  "Max, your boots don't go on your head",  "Max, don't play with those, they only look like perfectly round chocolate chips". On and on she goes.  Nag nag nag nag nag.  What parent of more than one child, who already sees too much of this sibling behaviour in real life, needs to listen to one more older sister nag her little brother to death.  And so I propose that it is time to Stew Ruby.  I've never eaten rabbit before, but in this case I'll happily make an exception.   http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/172/Stew_Ruby Mon, 4 Feb 2008 00:36:00 -0000 Snow Fort! http://jamtown.multiply.com/video/item/23/Snow_Fort Sun, 3 Feb 2008 16:19:50 -0000 Tattoo Taegan asked me tonight if she could give me a personalized tattoo... ...I said yes... http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/album/37/Tattoo Tue, 29 Jan 2008 01:16:33 -0000 You Have To Learn To Live Alone The first time I heard this song I was surprised. I hadn't heard Cyndi sing this style before. I loved the vocal and the music and the words rang true. "When it's all played out, if the truth were known, you have to learn to live alone". It isn't the most uplifting message, but there is some truth to it. It is hard to know and to be known. It's hard to be transparent. And even transparency and honesty can be met with disbelief. For me, it is those times when people simply don't believe 'I yam what I yam' that I feel the most alone. When it comes down to it, we are people contained in flesh and bone, blood and brain and what we know about each other (or more accurately what we think we know) is interpreted through our own filters. And so we misunderstand, misjudge, misquote, and misinterpret until only a modicum of truth about another, if that, gets through. And so we do our best with what we've got and we either try to understand, or we don't, or we convince ourselves ... http://jamtown.multiply.com/music/item/391/You_Have_To_Learn_To_Live_Alone Fri, 25 Jan 2008 23:25:58 -0000 Quotes That Helped Me Through 2007 <A href="http://jamtown.multiply.com/photos/hi-res/upload/R3rCMAoKCnYAADhmQaI1"><IMG class=alignmiddleb src="http://images.jamtown.multiply.com/image/1/photos/upload/300x300/R3rCMAoKCnYAADhmQaI1/quote.jpg?et=pAXlKtXGU%2BTdGn4DUUHf0Q&nmid=" border=0></A>Here they are, in no particular order, the quotes that have helped me in one way or another through the year 2007.  For one like me, words and their combinations can be as miracles, and some of these qualify.  Some made me laugh, others made me think.  Still others resonnated so deep within me it's as if I knew them all along.  I'll refrain from explaining each one, but rather cut and paste my list and let the words fall where they may. "You have to go the way your blood beats. If you don't live the only life you have, you won't live some other life, you won't live any life at all." - James Baldwin- "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." -Joseph Campbell- Abstract Thinking Gone Awry: "Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus ... http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/170/Quotes_That_Helped_Me_Through_2007 Tue, 1 Jan 2008 22:27:00 -0000 New Year's Eve 2007   New Year's Eve 2007!  Either click on the picture of Elijah or... <A href="http://picasaweb.google.com/jtownsley/2007NewYearSEve?authkey=CgEcPNOQklo"><IMG style="MARGIN: 1px 0px 0px 4px" height=160 src="http://lh6.google.com/jtownsley/R3pNM0aFh5E/AAAAAAAAANE/ja4TkCZFUe0/s160-c/2007NewYearSEve.jpg" width=160></A> <A style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold; COLOR: #4d4d4d; TEXT-DECORATION: none" href="http://picasaweb.google.com/jtownsley/2007NewYearSEve?authkey=CgEcPNOQklo">2007 New Year's Eve</A> Watch the pictures in the viewer below (you may have to click to activate)   http://jamtown.multiply.com/journal/item/169/New_Years_Eve_2007 Tue, 1 Jan 2008 14:30:00 -0000